You were someone who I trusted. Someone who meant the world to me. It's crazy to think about how two people who were once so close could suddenly become so far apart. Physical distance isn't the issue because in that way, we're still close, but that's the only closeness that we have. From soul mates to strangers in the blink of an eye. You will not be forgotten. None of you will but that doesn't mean that I want you around. That door is closed and bolted shut. That era has ended and I've made peace with that. I hope you have, too.
Who I once was is no longer who I am. I've changed. You've probably changed, too, but those changes will never be seen by my eye's or experienced by my heart. Your victories are no longer mine to celebrate because they're unknown to me but I guess that's what comes with the death of a friendship. It's something that I've had to adjust to time and time again. Lately, I’ve been using astrology to understand my friendships more and I've come to the conclusion that just like the moon goes through phases, so do my friendships (Moon in the 11th house in my natal chart). Sometimes my friendships go dark. Sometimes they're bright, bold, and apparent. Sometimes they're confusing and unclear and require an intuitive approach. I'm learning to understand these stages and phases while still maintaining my boundaries and values.
So many words left unsaid and maybe I should change that. No names will be used but these are some letters to my old life and the people who were in it:
You were my right hand. I could of never imagined my life without you but look at life now. You are no where in sight and that brings me a sense of peace. I do not miss you but I do forgive you. The cards that you were dealt in life were not fair but at some point that becomes our duty to deal with as individuals, rather than it becoming the world's problem. I hope to never cross paths with you again.
I should hate you but I have trouble saying it. You are not a good person and you do bad things and then cry false tears of forgiveness. You're a manipulative liar and I don't think you'd understand the concept of telling the truth even if it kicked you right in the ass.
You were honestly too complicated for me. You never expressed your true feelings and because of that you left me guessing. What really goes on behind those eyes and lips? What is your inner world really like and did you ever actually like me or was I just convenient? Did I just make your life so easy that you had no choice but to keep me around? I bet you see my value now that I'm gone but I will never be back. I don't hate you but my love for you is dead.
We had it good or so I thought. We were so close that I overlooked the red flags. The excuses. The need for control and conformity. The neglect. Everything was wrapped up so neatly, almost like a perfectly wrapped gift but now I see how flawed things really were. I do wish you well. I hope that you're happy and healthy. Sometimes I still miss you but I remind myself that I don't know you anymore, just like you don't know me.
I had a difficult time calling you a friend but I honestly tried my best but each time I did, my intuition screamed at me. For good reason, too. I'll keep this short and sweet. I pray to never see you again. I pray that you are released from my life. I pray that I am protected from your presence. Your attachment to me is unhealthy and I refuse to engage.
Mutual loss brought us together. I wonder if that never happened would we have become as close as we did? Our connection was like a powerful fire but like all fires, at some point they have to be put out. I dealt with your harshness and the mistakes you made but realized that I had to choose myself, and choosing myself meant a life without you.
Thank you for reading xx
