My body is not your playground and it never was despite what you tricked yourself into believing. Hell, even I believed it myself for a while. The people of the world have a way of showing you life's darkest themes by presenting them as nicely wrapped presents - appealing to the eye but as dangerous as can be. I'm happy that you couldn't have your way with me. The world can be such a dangerous place because of the dangerous people that it's filled with. My body is not your playground and it never will be. 

My mind is not your fantasy land and never could be. I'm not what you tried to mold me to be. I'm able to stand in my power and not shrink myself like you tried to teach me to do. To the people of the world who believe people should stay small, fuck you. Take up space even when you're afraid to. Protect your mind from those who seek to taint and tame it. Remember that your life is about you. Live your life for you and embrace what fills your cup, not what strips it. We are valuable and worthy despite what the world has tried to tell us. 

My emotions are not your ragdoll to be toyed with. I deserve to be treated with respect and anyone who cannot abide by those rulesis not welcome in my presence. I no longer tolerate half-assed efforts and apologies. Do better or don't. It no longer concerns me. I'm not here to force people to do better. I'm not here to put my emotions on the line each and every time. 

My heart is not your play place. You are not safe with me and I know I am not safe with you. I will always have my guard up around you and that's just how things have to be. To the men who have harmed me, I have no words left to waste on you aside from: I hope you meet your end. 

To my younger self: I'm so sorry for what you experienced at the hands of others. No one should have to experience those things. Ever. Because of you, I have grown stronger and my voice has become louder. I want you to know that we are safe and no matter what because I will always protect us. Thank you for everything that you've done. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

To my current self: Thank you, too. I'm so proud of the woman that you have become. You are flourishing and that's credit that no one can ever take away from you. You refuse to let your abusers take anything away from you, instead you have gained something more precious than gold: peace. 

Have a wonderful month and happy birthday to all the August-born people out there (including myself)<3

You were someone who I trusted. Someone who meant the world to me. It's crazy to think about how two people who were once so close could suddenly become so far apart. Physical distance isn't the issue because in that way, we're still close, but that's the only closeness that we have. From soul mates to strangers in the blink of an eye. You will not be forgotten. None of you will but that doesn't mean that I want you around. That door is closed and bolted shut. That era has ended and I've made peace with that. I hope you have, too. 

Who I once was is no longer who I am. I've changed. You've probably changed, too, but those changes will never be seen by my eye's or experienced by my heart. Your victories are no longer mine to celebrate because they're unknown to me but I guess that's what comes with the death of a friendship. It's something that I've had to adjust to time and time again. Lately, I’ve been using astrology to understand my friendships more and I've come to the conclusion that just like the moon goes through phases, so do my friendships (Moon in the 11th house in my natal chart). Sometimes my friendships go dark. Sometimes they're bright, bold, and apparent. Sometimes they're confusing and unclear and require an intuitive approach. I'm learning to understand these stages and phases while still maintaining my boundaries and values. 

So many words left unsaid and maybe I should change that. No names will be used but these are some letters to my old life and the people who were in it:

You were my right hand. I could of never imagined my life without you but look at life now. You are no where in sight and that brings me a sense of peace. I do not miss you but I do forgive you. The cards that you were dealt in life were not fair but at some point that becomes our duty to deal with as individuals, rather than it becoming the world's problem. I hope to never cross paths with you again. 

I should hate you but I have trouble saying it. You are not a good person and you do bad things and then cry false tears of forgiveness. You're a manipulative liar and I don't think you'd understand the concept of telling the truth even if it kicked you right in the ass. 

You were honestly too complicated for me. You never expressed your true feelings and because of that you left me guessing. What really goes on behind those eyes and lips? What is your inner world really like and did you ever actually like me or was I just convenient? Did I just make your life so easy that you had no choice but to keep me around? I bet you see my value now that I'm gone but I will never be back. I don't hate you but my love for you is dead. 

We had it good or so I thought. We were so close that I overlooked the red flags. The excuses. The need for control and conformity. The neglect. Everything was wrapped up so neatly, almost like a perfectly wrapped gift but now I see how flawed things really were. I do wish you well. I hope that you're happy and healthy. Sometimes I still miss you but I remind myself that I don't know you anymore, just like you don't know me. 

I had a difficult time calling you a friend but I honestly tried my best but each time I did, my intuition screamed at me. For good reason, too. I'll keep this short and sweet. I pray to never see you again. I pray that you are released from my life. I pray that I am protected from your presence. Your attachment to me is unhealthy and I refuse to engage. 

Mutual loss brought us together. I wonder if that never happened would we have become as close as we did? Our connection was like a powerful fire but like all fires, at some point they have to be put out. I dealt with your harshness and the mistakes you made but realized that I had to choose myself, and choosing myself meant a life without you. 

Thank you for reading xx